Hate: Not just for kids anymore 

samurai film genres

The Samurai - an introduction
The samurai is a figure who is based in fact, but embellished in myth, much like the cowboys of the 'old west.' However, unlike the American counterpart, due to the homogenous nature of Japanese culture there persists a social relationship and undercurrent of the samurai which has been maintained and permeates all aspects of Japanese society.

Historically, the samurai existed in one form or another from the Nara period in the 7th century. Previous to this, the bushi, or warrior, were primarily derived from aristocracy and played little part in the foundation of Japan. As the power base shifted from the emperor to the aristocracy, the daimyo (provincial lord) began to fight for plots of land. Contiguous with this, retainers - the original meaning of samurai - were hired to execute the lord's wishes, pledging allegiance to the daimyo under whom they were clothed, fed and quartered. As a result their personal identity became intertwined with the lord's and their fealty became dependent on this.

As sons replaced fathers, the value of land ownership and holdings gained in importance and, resultantly, the connection between a retainer and his daimyo increased in value. Subsequently, the retainer's family and ensuing generations strove to protect the financial securities that their forefathers had held, with the length of their service naturally being a point of pride. In exchange for the intertwining of the retainer's identity with that of the daimyo's, the lords of the houses carefully chose their warriors and conditioned them to place the value of the house, they alone were protecting, above their own life. This, as it will be shown, is one of the defining attributes of bushido (warrior code) and the 'way of the samurai.'


The Essence of the Samurai as Drama
In storytelling, legend and art, the samurai was depicted much like the western world's so-called men of myth: the Knights of the Round Table or the Homeric heroes. In scrolls and prints they were depicted as men of chivalry, beautifully dressed and awesomely armored. And whereas the occidental knights followed romantic and noble rules for an honorable life, similarly in Japan, the records show that the samurai lived their life following an unwritten warrior's code, bushido [ 1 ], which governed all of their actions.

As Alan Silver describes it in his "Samurai Film" book, "The quasi-paradox of possessing a conception of appropriate life-style without the specific organizing principles reflects the complex, century-long process by which bushido evolved: practically, on the field of battle; ideologically, through the guardians of the culture; aesthetically, among the poets and storytellers; and ethically, with the social and religious philosophers."

One key attribute of bushido having developed out of the battlefield was the notion that death should be kept close in mind. The essence of this being that if one was not afraid of dying, then each day would be greeted as if it were the last and life would be lived to its fullest. Furthermore, because the warrior code was designed as a moral system, it was never in conflict with itself. However, the three dominant religions and religious theories in Japan were at odds both with each other and also with bushido: Shinto (the animistic religion; 'The Way of the Gods'), Butsudo ('The Way of Buddha'), and Confucianism (the teachings of Confucian thought). Without spending too much time on this, the three religious and philosophical concepts converge at points but are fundamentally at odds with one another, thereby creating eternal philosophical conflicts within the samurai. This is manifested in one key form through the giri versus ninjo paradox and, in fact, is arguably THE dramatic conflict in samurai fiction.

Giri, simply, is the honor that the warrior (the samurai in this case) must place to his master. It is his deference for his master that develops both from social expectations within the Japanese society and the behavior that is demanded by his lord, others, and, naturally, bushido. Ninjo, on the other hand, is human will. It is humankind's inclination, instinct and/or natural consciousness and could also be regarded as good judgment.

The giri/ninjo conflict could then be described in this manner: if humankind's consciousness is the embodiment of God's moral sense of right and wrong which is placed within the mind, then when giri is at odds with ninjo - such as when one's master demands a battle be fought, but is known to the samurai to be unconscionable - a discord is created within the samurai. Further complicating this pattern, even when giri and ninjo are in agreement, the intrinsic fatalism of Buddhist disbelief in material dealings creates a key conflict. The reason being, if all personal paths and actions in life have been preordained, then there really isn't anything that can be done to forestall the inevitable. Subsequently, as a part of giri, 'the necessary death' becomes an essential part of the way of life. If the situation dictates it, then death might be the most honorable road.

Ronin
In a society that places so much value on fealty to one's master, the ronin, or masterless samurai is someone who is in disgrace. If the purpose of the samurai was to protect his master at all costs, then once his master is gone, he is now purposeless… Now haunting the ronin there are questions about why he is masterless. Within the bushido if the samurai were truly noble and dedicated to his master, then when his master died he should have chosen the same path: death. Naturally, there were samurai who chose to become ronin because they found service to their master to be dissatisfying or dishonorable (this features into the giri/ninjo conflict). But within Japanese society, this was unacceptable and therefore the ronin was regarded as a scoundrel and not, at the very least, as a veteran warrior.

On a social level, the samurai occupied a sphere where they were answerable primarily to the bushido and little else outside of clan fealty. Once masterless, the ronin's role in society changed dramatically, having no specified purpose anymore. Within Japanese Tokugawan society (1603 - 1868), the samurai was empowered to kill a commoner if he felt the situation demanded it. Even if circumstances didn't, the samurai could kill a peasant and only pay a negligible financial penalty. In so far as the ronin were concerned, they were permitted by law to continue wearing two swords (something in Japanese society that only the upper class and the samurai were allowed to do), and in general retain the social perks that came with being a samurai (including the relative lack of accountability for killing a peasant). So in this sense, the ronin would become someone who "slipped between the cracks," so to speak. This is the reason why they were both not respected by the aristocracy and the samurai nobility while also feared by the lower class.

Artistically, the ronin was represented in two manners: the noble ronin who comes into town and uses his skills for good, and the corrupt scoundrel who rapes, steals and murders without compunction.

Samurai Cinema Settings
The primary setting of the samurai film is during the Tokugawa Shogunate period (1603 - 1868) [ 2 ], although there are a number of films that are set in the late Muromachi (1333 - 1573) and Azuchi-Momoyama (unification) (1573 - 1603) periods.

A basic explanation for the large number of Tokugawa era set stories was that the Tokugawa clan ascended to power through the sheer force of their arms. This, as a result, firmly established the importance of the warrior within society, but furthermore, with the new government came numerous strict laws, which necessitated armed government officials for their enforcement. This focus on strong-arm tactics to impose, among other things, a caste system that awarded ruthless war play and mercenary tactics to gain wealth and power, as opposed to relieving famines through food aid, made being a samurai a plum job.


Style of Films
The period drama, or the jidai-geki, is one of the staples of Japanese entertainment. These stories are typically short on action but heavy on political intrigue, romantic trysts, and other types of back room engineering; they're stories that are more about characters and less about the sword fighting. It is the jidai-geki drama that is still popularly serialized on Japanese television.

The chanbara, or sword fight film, is the action film counterpart to the jidai-geki. Named for the onomatopoetic sound that two (or more) clashing swords make, these films are heavy on action and are, in general, less character-based and more action oriented. Though, it should be noted, they can be character-based as Akira Kurosawa proves in Seven Samurai, Yojimbo, and Sanjuro.

The jidai-geki initially was the dominant form of samurai drama but with the new wave of directors in the 1950s and 1960s, there was a shift in focus towards morally ambiguous and troubled heroes/anti-heroes. With the introduction of the chanbara film the fighting became more stylised and fetishized. An interesting development was that each new film series featured characters that had very specialized skills, styles or even handicaps, and the excitement became for the audience to see how these warriors were going to battle. Some of these formulas became so popular that they spawned massive series and spin-offs, of which the Zatoichi (Blind Swordsman) series is still the best example.

Furthermore, as with all art, by veiling these films as period dramas and simple sword fight movies, it was possible to disguise their political criticism and lampooning of the government. Often times, the films were cynical indictments of the Japanese feudal system (emperor and all) and of the over reliance on honor and the group over the individual. Specifically, films like Masaki Kobayashi's Harakiri (1967) are critical of the over-value placed on bushido and the samurai's loyalty to the clan being more significant than life itself. The critique reads that all lives and their deaths that occur in an impersonal and pointless social order become, inexorably, impersonal and pointless as well. The reward for following the rules or rebelling against them is ultimately the same: identical destruction.

Genre Attributes
The samurai is always found with the same few items: two swords, samurai clothing emblazoned with his master's signet, and a chonmage (top knot). (The chonmage, itself, was a haircut designed for battle helmets.) While it later developed into a defining aspect of a samurai's look, they did not always sport it. These attributes were so specific and unique to the samurai and were therefore so socially ingrained into the Japanese culture that it became possible, in films, to shortcut clumsy exposition and introduce a character as a samurai simply and efficiently by showing them with these items.

Akira Kurosawa introduces Yojimbo in such a manner by focusing on the master's signet on Sanjuro's robe, his chonmage haircut, and then, finally, revealing his two swords on his hip as the framing changes to show his full body. For a Japanese audience member this was illustrative enough. When it is then revealed that Sanjuro is wandering by himself, letting the winds of fate blow him around, we learn that he is, in fact, a mawari ronin (a wandering masterless samurai). This, then, becomes all of the information that we need to get the story started.

Another aspect of the samurai film, as mentioned previously, is the political intrigue and double-crossing that feeds into the daimyo's power struggles. In these stories, the samurai is the weapon of choice, though, depending on the character of the lord and his dedication to his retainer, or vice-versa, the relationship could be dissolved if the situation demanded it. Within the jidai-geki and chanbara film where giri and ninjo are so highly praised, in a sense it is ironic to see that these attributes can be put aside (if need be), for a higher political aim. But such is the nature of the beast. The result within these films, though, is that double and triple crosses inevitably lead to violence.

Violence, although often used in the films in a consistent manner to the world where it is set, with the rise of the more pessimistic chanbara film, the carnage took on a stylized approach that represented the existential state of the world that the samurai operated in. This came to represent their desire to fight against the hypocrisy by "…delineating their oppressed relationship to that environment" through bloodshed.

Type of Samurai Films
Though by all means this is not meant to be an exhaustive list of genre types, here are a few staples of the genre. There is the 'lone wolf' film with the loner samurai as the protagonist. The group samurai film, where no one samurai is singled out, but instead the group acts as 'one large samurai.' Then there is the revenge story, a genre staple, which most directly demonstrates the honorability of the samurai, by showing his dedication to his master or cause, oftentimes to the exclusion of his own life. The whole notion of vengeance is, in a real sense, sanctioned by Japanese society and one will find that a number of the jidai-geki and chanbara film use this theme, if not as a main story element, then certainly in a sub-plot. Vengeance is often romanticized and visualized in a 'poetic' manner; needless to say, melodrama can run thick at times. Wrapping up the short list, and this is primarily due to the central role that the samurai Musashi Miyamoto plays in Japanese folklore, is the 'rise to excellence' storyline. In these stories, the character starts out a bumbling fool and ends with great sword skill and an enlightened insight into the human condition. This, perhaps, can be called the Japanese version of the 'hero journey'.

Genre Attributes
There are certain technical, metaphoric and literary tropes that are readily found in samurai cinema. Again, this is not a full list by any means, but represents certain constants in the genre.

In general, the chanbara film, technically speaking, is more complicated than the jidai-geki film. The following list includes technical attributes that do occur in both jidai-geki and chanbara, but are more prevalent in the chanbara movie. These include: hyper real sound effects, dynamic (and funky) musical scores, inter-titles, lens flares, slow/fast motion, whip pans and snap zooms, special optical effects, wide aspect ratios [ 3 ], and color (once color film became standard) [ 4 ].

The metaphoric elements include: the excessive use of wind, rain, snow, fire, blood, bright/dim lighting, and shadows, to name a few. It goes without saying that these elements are used in these films, certainly by contemporary standards, in some very ham-fisted manners. As a result, these elements feel theatrical, but nonetheless, help to create a very unique and exciting viewing experience.

Essentially all of the literary tropes of the genre have been covered in some portion previously but are listed here in a brief, and by no means complete, list. The stories can be about giri or about the giri/ninjo conflict. The stories are often about a ronin, who is either noble or corrupt [ 5 ]. And the stories can, of course, be about revenge. This type of story, by-and-large, ends in a showdown of some type: typically between our protagonist and a swordsman of (near) equal talent. The battle is usually glorious and often features a geyser of blood [ 6 ].

Author's Endnote
The primary concern most viewers will have about watching samurai films is that the Japanese history is convoluted and so foreign that the films will be more like studying than entertainment. While there will assuredly be a lot that is foreign to the newcomer, these samurai films work on a larger level because there are certain universal truths about human nature that permeate good drama, no matter the language or the setting. It doesn't matter if you don't know what the characters are talking about exactly, or what they are doing specifically from moment to moment; watching one of these films is always a rewarding experience. Naturally, the more you watch the more you learn, too… and the more you want to watch. And with that, I say, "Enjoy!"

See this month's Round-up for reviews of more recommended samurai films.

[ 1 ]: Seventeenth century sage Soko Yamago, it is believed, coined the term 'bushido'.
[ 2 ]: More commonly known as the Edo period due to the fact that Japan's capital was based in Edo (modern day Tokyo).
[ 3 ]: Also known as the 'scope' film. This use of extremely wide aspect ratios serves numerous purposes. By contextualizing the film in a classic screen-print manner, it subconsciously places the viewer. In the same way that old ink prints and scrolls were designed to encapsulate the viewer into the scene, the 'scope' film was designed to draw you in. It also helped to add a sense of grandeur to the samurai film.
[ 4 ]: At the end of the so-called samurai film hey-day, the use of color was de rigueur and was as important as wide aspect ratios in identifying the films to the genre.
[ 5 ]: Specifically, this manifests as the ronin who rolls into town and helps the local people out of their problem. Or, on the contrary, it is the ronin who kills and pillages with no compunction.
[ 6 ]: The meaning of which, naturally, is open to a large amount of interpretation.

guitarheros

My eyeballz is going krazzee

these are sweet

when it wakes up, will it be pissed?

TERRENCE SEJNOWSKI
Computational Neuroscientist, Howard Hughes Medical Institute; Coauthor, The Computational Brain

When will the Internet become aware of itself?

I never thought that I would become omniscient during my lifetime, but as Google continues to improve and online information continues to expand I have achieved omniscience for all practical purposes. The Internet has created a global marketplace for ideas and products, making it possible for individuals in the far corners of the world to automatically connect directly to each other. The Internet has achieved these capabilities by growing exponentially in total communications bandwidth. How does the communications power of the Internet compare with that of the cerebral cortex, the most interconnected part of our brains?

Cortical connections are expensive because they take up volume and cost energy to send information in the form of spikes along axons. About 44% of the cortical volume in humans is taken up with long-range connections, called the white matter. Interestingly, the thickness of gray matter, just a few millimeters, is nearly constant in mammals that range in brain volume over five orders of magnitude, and the volume of the white matter scales approximately as the 4/3 power of the volume of the gray matter. The larger the brain, the larger the fraction of resources devoted to communications compared to computation.

However, the global connectivity in the cerebral cortex is extremely sparse: The probability of any two cortical neurons having a direct connection is around one in a hundred for neurons in a vertical column 1 mm in diameter, but only one in a million for more distant neurons. Thus, only a small fraction of the computation that occurs locally can be reported to other areas, through a small fraction of the cells that connect distant cortical areas.

Despite the sparseness of cortical connectivity, the potential bandwidth of all of the neurons in the human cortex is approximately a terabit per second, comparable to the total world backbone capacity of the Internet. However, this capacity is never achieved by the brain in practice because only a fraction of cortical neurons have a high rate of firing at any given time. Recent work by Simon Laughlin suggests that another physical constraint — energy — limits the brain's ability to harness its potential bandwidth.

The cerebral cortex also has a massive amount of memory. There are approximately one billion synapses between neurons under every square millimeter of cortex, or about one hundred million million synapses overall. Assuming around a byte of storage capacity at each synapse (including dynamic as well as static properties), this comes to a total of 1015 bits of storage. This is comparable to the amount of data on the entire Internet; Google can store this in terabyte disk arrays and has hundreds of thousands of computers simultaneously sifting through it.

Thus, the internet and our ability to search it are within reach of the limits of the raw storage and communications capacity of the human brain, and should exceed it by 2015.

Leo van Hemmen and I recently asked 23 neuroscientists to think about what we don't yet know about the brain, and to propose a question so fundamental and so difficult that it could take a century to solve, following in the tradition of Hilbert's 23 problems in mathematics. Christof Koch and Francis Crick speculated that the key to understanding consciousness was global communication: How do neurons in the diverse parts of the brain manage to coordinate despite the limited connectivity? Sometimes, the communication gets crossed, and V. S. Ramachandran and Edward Hubbard asked whether synesthetes, rare individuals who experience crossover in sensory perception such as hearing colors, seeing sounds, and tasting tactile sensations, might give us clues to how the brain evolved.

There is growing evidence that the flow of information between parts of the cortex is regulated by the degree of synchrony of the spikes within populations of cells that represent perceptual states. Robert Desimone and his colleagues have examined the effects of attention on cortical neurons in awake, behaving monkeys and found the coherence between the spikes of single neurons in the visual cortex and local field potentials in the gamma band, 30-80 Hz, increased when the covert attention of a monkey was directed toward a stimulus in the receptive field of the neuron. The coherence also selectively increased when a monkey searched for a target with a cued color or shape amidst a large number of distracters. The increase in coherence means that neurons representing the stimuli with the cued feature would have greater impact on target neurons, making them more salient.

The link between attention and spike-field coherence raises a number of interesting questions. How does top-down input from the prefrontal cortex regulate the coherence of neurons in other parts of the cortex through feedback connections? How is the rapidity of the shifts in coherence achieved? Experiments on neurons in cortical slices suggest that inhibitory interneurons are connected to each other in networks and are responsible for gamma oscillations. Researchers in my laboratory have used computational models to show that excitatory inputs can rapidly synchronize a subset of the inhibitory neurons that are in competition with other inhibitory networks. Inhibitory neurons, long thought to merely block activity, are highly effective in synchronizing neurons in a local column already firing in response to a stimulus.

The oscillatory activity that is thought to synchronize neurons in different parts of the cortex occurs in brief bursts, typically lasting for only a few hundred milliseconds. Thus, it is possible that there is a packet structure for long-distance communication in the cortex, similar to the packets that are used to communicate on the Internet, though with quite different protocols. The first electrical signals recorded from the brain in 1875 by Richard Caton were oscillatory signals that changed in amplitude and frequency with the state of alertness. The function of these oscillations remains a mystery, but it would be remarkable if it were to be discovered that these signals held the secrets to the brain's global communications network.

Since its inception in 1969, the Internet has been scaled up to a size not even imagined by its inventors, in contrast to most engineered systems, which fall apart when they are pushed beyond their design limits. In part, the Internet achieves this scalability because it has the ability to regulate itself, deciding on the best routes to send packets depending on traffic conditions. Like the brain, the Internet has circadian rhythms that follow the sun as the planet rotates under it. The growth of the Internet over the last several decades more closely resembles biological evolution than engineering.

How would we know if the Internet were to become aware of itself? The problem is that we don't even know if some of our fellow creatures on this planet are self aware. For all we know the Internet is already aware of itself.

Sherlock coke hound

Sherlock Holmes’s Cocaine Habit

By J. Thomas Dalby PhD

Many of the professional and lay articles describing the recent epidemic abuse of cocaine give casual reference to the first popular figure to abuse the drug, London’s consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes. This depiction is rarely understood for its full value as a commentary on addictions from both a medical and historical vantage. As recently noted until the early 1980’s cocaine was generally considered to be a relatively safe, non-addicting agent, with any historical reference to this substance being dismissed as moralistic exaggeration.

Conan Doyle was a prolific and rapid writer who contributed more than thirty full-length books, over one hundred and fifty short stories, as well as numerous poems, plays, essays and pamphlets but is best known for the four novels and fifty-six short stories that comprise the Holmesian canon. The first story A Study in Scarlet, was published initially in November 1887 and the final study Shoscombe Old Place was published in The Strand in April 1927. Holmes’s much publicised drug habit is directly observed in only two stories: The Sign of Four (1890) and A Scandal in Bohemia (1891) with vague or historical references in seven other tales. Why did Doyle inflict his character with this behavioural flaw? The view promoted by some Holmesian scholars that this was for “no other reason than to add to his idiosyncrasies” is unsatisfactory. Doyle had watched his own father’s addiction to alcohol result in his eventual commitment to mental institutions. His medical knowledge of drugs also added to his appreciation of cocaine’s potency. Another biographer suggested that because Doyle began writing A Study in Scarlet on 8 March 1886, the same day that an article on cocaine appeared in one of Doyle’s favorite periodicals, Chambers Journal, that this supplied him with the idea for Holmes’s addiction. This is a flawed deduction for no reference was made to cocaine in the story, although Watson states that he “might have suspected him of being addicted to the use of some narcotic had not the temperance and cleanliness of his whole life forbidden such a notion”. Doyle had no intention of serialising this fiction and was only enticed to do so by Joseph Stoddart several years later. Thus it is implausible that Doyle would lay down this suspicion to be proven true in later adventures.

Doyle has been described as a prototype of his age, holding a belief in the concept of honor and commitment to a chivalric code of behaviour. Would such a man have himself experimented with drugs? From a modern viewpoint this would be inconceivable, but in the late 19th century there was no moral, medical or legal censure on such exploration. Indeed, while a 3rd year medical student Doyle engaged in auto-experimentation with tincture of gelsemium, publishing his findings in the British Medical Journal on 20 September 1879. Did he also conduct experiments with cocaine? His knowledge of the drug is reasonable in that it is used by Holmes, who uses other stimulants to excess (once drinking two large pots of coffee in a day – The Hound of the Baskervilles). Individuals with unstable affective response (like Holmes) are most prone to cocaine abuse and a “self-treating” hypothesis, now in vogue, suggests that choice of drugs of abuse often reflect an individual’s attempt to correct their behavioural or mental disorder. Holmes states that his mind “rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere, I can dispense then with artificial stimulants” (The Sign of Four). In A Scandal in Bohemia Doyle errs in referring to cocaine in describing “the drowsiness of the drug”. This error is puzzling. Cocaine was recognized widely as a stimulant and given Doyle’s attempt to specialise as an oculist, where cocaine was used as an anaesthetic, it is likely that he was well versed with the drug. His clear depiction of cocaine addiction in The Sign of Four, published before A Scandal in Bohemia, and accurate depiction of other drugs suggests that this is one of Doyle’s infamous errors of detail. In The Sign of Four it is suggested that Holmes also abused morphine and Doyle may simply have forgotten to which drug he was referring. Doyle wrote very quickly, sometimes not even revising his draft, and in his memoirs admits that he has neverSherlock Holmes's Cocaine Habit been nervous about details and that his readers reprimanded him for his lapses .
The most singular aspect of cocaine in the Holmes stories is not Holmes’s habit, but rather Watson’s reaction to it. In spite of celebrated cases of cocaine addiction (e.g. Dr. W. S. Halsted) and even reports of death from cocaine use as early as 1891, there was no general medical condemnation of cocaine use in the late 19th century. The retired Surgeon General of the U. S. Army extolled its fatigue reduction and mood-elevating properties, while others vigorously promoted cocaine as an anaesthetic, a cure for alcoholism and opium abuse. Freud’s endorsement of cocaine at the time was extreme, suggesting that its therapeutic use might even do away with inebriate asylums. Against this professional acclaim, we see Watson admonishing Holmes: “But consider! Count the cost! Your brain may, as you say, be roused and excited, but it is a pathological and morbid process, which involves increased tissue change, and may at least leave a permanent weakness. You know, too, what a black reaction comes upon you. Surely the game is hardly worth the candle. Why should you, for a mere passing pleasure, risk the loss of those great powers with which you have been endowed? Remember that I speak not only as one comrade to another, but as a medical man to one for whose constitution he is to some extent answerable” (The Sign of Four). One hundred years after this was published we are beginning to confirm Dr. Watson’s knowledge. Previous medical explorations of Holmes drug use concluded by stating that, following a cure, cocaine ceased to be a problem for him in 1894.

The then current medical notion was that “cure” was a viable goal for addictive behaviour. Watson knew better. In The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarte” (published in 1904 and dated to December 1896 in Holmes’s time) Watson tells how he gradually weaned him from the drug mania but relates that “I was well aware that the fiend was not dead but sleeping; and I have known that the sleep was a light one and the waking near in periods of idleness”. Again, this reflects current models of addiction, which document low probability of complete abstinence over the long term. What influence might this public account of drug use have had on the reading public? It has been suggested that some literary descriptions of drug induced states have enticed readers into use of drugs. In the case of Sherlock Holmes, there is no evidence to support that this occurred and it may be argued that the destructive portrayal of the drug may have limited its abuse. Even the cocaine ‘epidemic’ of 1916 seems more of press hysteria than factual. The English media vehicle for most of Holmes adventures was The Strand magazine; its popularity (selling 300,000 copies in the first month) was an unprecedented event in English publishing history. A newly literate public looked to Holmes as an era hero, demonstrated by the public outcry when Doyle hurled him over the falls of Reichenbach in 1893. Doyle’s constant theme in his writings, that of moral weakness, was not lost on this audience in their perception of Holmes’s cocaine habit. Sherlock Holmes in addition to providing a literature of entertainment with perennial attraction is an example of an accurate illustration of recreational drug abuse and its consequences. Doyle’s portrayal of the seriousness of this addiction likely grew to be shared by his colleagues, but this attitude lapsed in time only to be restated in the 1980’s. Doyle’s window on medical history reminds us that in addition to a fascination with the past we can also scrutinize it for applicable modern lessons.

corporate bastards

I guess all you need is a new name eh?


What do multinational corporations do once their dirty record gets around and people start seeing them for what they are?

They change their names, of course.

Philip Morris is leading the way.

What have they done in response to years of bad exposure for knowingly selling dangerous products? Decided to sell healthier products? Stopped marketing to and addicting kids?

No, they changed their name to Altria and picked a new logo, hoping that when people see Altria has made their food, they won't realize their money is going into the pockets of the same people who told us all that cigarettes are safe and nicotine is not addictive.

Recently, Philip Morris spent $250 million to gloss over their image. The campaign highlighted the company's charitable contributions and downplayed the deadly and addictive tobacco products that built the company. Well, luckily the people aren't that easily fooled. All that money spent and the Reputation Institute ranks Philip Morris second to last in public opinion. Rightly so, because tobacco still makes up 61.2% of the company's $90 billion income.

In case you were wondering what Altria means: "Altria, as you know, means nothing, and can't be any derivative of altus [meaning 'high'] --altr-- is a nonexistent stem. But it sounds pretty good, doesn't it? And has no suggestion at all of emphysema or lung cancer," according to a Latin Professor quoted by TheStreet.com.

Yes, it seems Altria isn't synonymous with lung cancer and emphysema in people's minds the way Philip Morris is. But don't worry, to all of us who know what they've done, they'll always be Philip Morris. A reputation like their's can't be lost with a new name.

Who else is doing it?
According to Enterprise IG, 3,602 U.S. corporations adopted new names in 2001. • After a ValuJet plane crashed over the Florida Everglades in 1996, killing 110 people, the airline became AirTran Airways.
• ChemLawn/Chemgreen, the nation's largest landscaping company, is becoming TruGreen LandCare.
• Tricon Global Restaurants, owners of Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut is becoming Yum! Brands.
• Binladin Telecommunications Group, a telecom equipment maker owned by Osama bin Laden's Saudi relatives is now Baud.
• Agricultural Insecticide and Fungicide Association, a lobbying and trade association representing the nation's 78 pesticide manufacturers will hide behind the friendlier CropLife America.
• Benton Oil and Gas Company, who drill for oil and gas in Russia and Venezuela, will be Harvest Natural Resources.
• Nuclear Engineering, who dispose of toxic and radioactive waste, will distance themselves from the bad record of anything nuclear, with the name US Ecology. Yes, US Ecology will bury the toxic waste near your house now.
• HomeShark, an online mortgage and real estate listings provider, is now the more empowering iOwn.
• Dun & Bradstreet asked to be known as D&B, although it retained the full name officially.
• Peptide Pharmaceuticals switched to Novar.
• PricewaterhouseCoopers, became Monday, yes Monday.
• Andersen Consulting renamed itself Accenture.
• Monsanto Specialty Chemicals, a spin-off of Monsanto, who is destroying the entire planet, is now Solutia.
And word is that Enron is looking for a new name. Imagine: after screwing millions of people out of billions of dollars, they are looking for a new name.

PICdumP

armored samurai jack


some crazy RPG


stand alone complex


yup



high speed photography of the blastwaves produced by gunshots

Modern Drunkard

my old roomie from college writes from time to time for modern drunkard magazine
here's a couple of articles

Shaping Up Your Inner Child
Your girlfriend says it, your parents say it, and everyone at the court-mandated A.A. meetings say it: “You need therapy to discover the deep-seated motivations that make you drink so much.”

If they don’t buy your answer of “My competitive spirit,” then you may feel compelled to seek out and interrogate your inner child. And I’m going to help you.

Why? Because you cannot have a sound body unless you possess a sound mind. They go together like Jack and Coke, like blackouts and bruises.

In the spirit of that fine understanding, I will generously share a secret Swedish regression technique that will enable you find your inner child and discover what makes you the drunk that you are.

Secrets of the Backa Genom Sprit
It is common knowledge among the village wisemen who live in the shadow of Kebnekaise, Sweden’s tallest mountain, that it is quite easy to delve inside your psyche using a powerful tool called Backa Genom Sprit. Which roughly translates into Regression Through Drinking.

While this sounds too easy and delightful too be true, I can readily assure you it is a highly effective technique. Ever since I became a practicing Spritist, I’ve had a much better relationship with my family.

What follows is a basic guideline to becoming a Spritist based on someone of average age, weight, and drinking ability. Modify your levels accordingly. It is best to do this alone or with a group of strangers you will never see again.

Level One: The Juvenile Delinquent
Number of drinks: 1-5
Regressive State: 16-20 years old
Common Behaviors: Rather relaxed, as the stress of the daily grind of your life slips from your shoulders. You may feel the urge to rebel against authority figures.
Common Revelations: Your job sucks, your life sucks and you will never be 17 again.

Level Two: The Hormonal Monster
Number of drinks: 6-10
Regressive State: 10-15 years old
Common Behaviors: Unnecessary hooting. Hitting girls that you are secretly attracted to. Complaining about your mother to strangers.
Common Revelations: You deserved every bruise your momma ever gave you, that she did the best with what she had, and that you now realize that every time you stole drinks from that bottle of peppermint schnapps she kept in her sewing box, you were actually stealing her only source of joy.

Level Three: The Wild Child
Number of drinks: 11-15
Regressive State: 5-9 years old
Common Behaviors: Pointing at people. Ignoring common sense. Poor math skills when trying to remember how many drinks you’ve had. A tendancy to treat women as both mysterious and icky.
Common Revelations: The dreams that you had as a child don’t die when you enter that cubicle. That if John Glenn can be an astronaut at age 70 there’s still time for you. That there’s still time to find that pink princess you used to draw.

Level Four: The Big Cry Baby
Number of drinks: 16-20
Regressive State: 0-4
Common Behaviors: Drooling. Grabbing breasts. Baby talk. Throwing temper tantrums when your bottle is taken away. Wetting your pants. Falling asleep in odd places.
Common Revelations: That you will forget much of this period, but you will later be haunted by painful feelings of disempowerment and being touched in naughty places.

So now that you know the way of the Spritist, a sect of peaceful Swedish mountain folk who have been quietly harvesting wheat and barley for centuries in pursuit of mental harmony, I hope that you too will be able to find inner peace and be able to create a stronger relationship with your friends and family and most importantly yourself.

—Dr. Tivoni Devor


Former Police Officer Tim Stone doesn’t look like the kind of cop you want to get pulled over by when you’ve been drinking deep in Tennessee.

But you’d be wrong, because Stone feels your pain. He understands that the BAC is just a number and it’s each individual’s tolerance for alcohol that determines how ably you can drive a vehicle after ingesting alcohol. The Breathalyser, he asserts, is a very fallible device that can be fooled by an act as innocent as eating peanuts.

Just as many judges feel they have lost their power to actually judge people due to mandatory minimum-sentencing laws, many police officers secretly feel that the BAC has taken away their ability to use common sense and personal judgment on a case-by-case basis when it comes to who can and cannot safely operate a vehicle.

It was this frustration which spurned Stone, while still on the force, to release a video entitled: How to Avoid a DUI. The 50 minute video tells you exactly how to avoid falling prey to unfair drinking laws, all told from the point of view of the guy who’s supposed to arrest you.

The video was met, unsurpisingly, with a firestorm of controversy. MADD and its agents in the media have tried very hard to make Stone appear a traitor at best and an accessory to every DUI accident on the road at worst.

It is our opinion, however, that Stone was and is nothing less than a modern day Serpico, an incorruptible and courageous idealist almost single-handedly fighting injustice from within a corrupted system.

Modern Drunkard Magazine: I’m pulled over by a police officer. I’ve had a few drinks. The officer is approaching my window. How should I behave?

Officer Tim Stone: The main thing is to remain calm. People get freaked out when they are pulled over, hell, I get freaked out when I’m pulled over. Relax. Roll down your window. Get your license, registration and insurance ready, it helps to keep all your paperwork in a clearly marked envelope in the glove box so you won’t have to dig around for it. Keep your hands on the wheel, or where the officer can see them. What you want to do is put the officer at ease. You want to bring him down a notch.

MDM: A cop once told me to not turn my head directly toward the officer, so he can’t smell my breath.

OTS: That’s a good idea, but you definitely want to make eye contact. I’d hold my head at a slight angle away from the officer, but not directly toward the windshield.

MDM: Should a driver ever submit to a Breathalyser?

OTS: Here’s the rule of thumb on that: You can exercise your rights and refuse at any time. If you know you’re over the legal limit, which most people won’t know, I wouldn’t do it. Why give evidence against yourself? That’s like robbing a bank and sending the police department a note a week ahead of time saying so.

MDM: The Attorney General of Wisconsin (Peg Lautenschlager) was recently cited for DUI and she refused the blood test. Does she know something we don’t?

OTS: Yes, she does. She knew she was probably over the limit and was being smart about it. If I was stopped for a DUI, I wouldn’t walk, I wouldn’t talk, I wouldn’t do anything that’s going to help that officer articulate in his report that you are intoxicated. You will be arrested, but you have to buck up and play the game. I don’t believe in that implied consent crap, it’s blackmail. I’d rather lose my license for a year than get a DUI charge.

MDM: Quite a few government officials, some very pro-MADD, have been cited for DUI. Why does that happen?

OTS: They’re human. They’re going to take their chances, they’re going to roll the bones.

MDM: I think they’re willing to pass harsh DUI laws then break them because they believe they’re above the law, that they can talk their way out of it if they do get pulled over.

OTS: Most certainly, though it really depends on the officer. A lot of them get away with it all the time. A person with political power has a real good opportunity to scare that officer. If you are a police officer, or at any level of law enforcement, you are in a political game whether you like it or know it or not. And if you arrest that person, you have to think, what is this going to do to my future? It’s wrong, but it’s reality. I once worked in a small town as a police officer and the mayor was a known drunk. There were officers who caught him , but instead of arresting him, they’d follow him home. They catered to him. I never believed in that. I figured if your were making the laws, you were held to a higher standard.

MDM: What’s your take on roadside sobriety checkpoints? Do you think they’re constitutional?

OTS: No, I don’t. I believe that’s a violation of the Fourth Amendment.

MDM: What is it about current DUI laws that you are unhappy with? What would you change?

OTS: Personally, I feel that new methods should be created to determine accurate intoxication levels on the side of the road, and that first offenses near or at the legal limit should be simply given a citation with a significant fine, their car towed, and then be given the opportunity to take a taxi or call a friend to pick them up.

MDM: Where would you like to see the BAC at?

OTS: Well, if we must have BAC-based laws, I’d say .10. However, I believe BAC-based laws should be eliminated. We need to work harder to find new ways for law enforcement to accurately determine the intoxication and control level of a DUI suspect. The numbered BAC system is simply a line in the sand by which we judge people, but it doesn’t take in to account individual tolerances, abilities, or physiology.

MDM: I’ve always favored “tolerance testing” where, if you can drive through an obstacle course with a .25 BAC, you get a special license. Would you vote for it?

OTS: Well, it’s an interesting concept, but I don’t think legislators would ever give such an idea a second thought. Unfortunately, it seems that maybe we’re headed in the opposite direction in which only people who can prove they don’t drink at all can get a license.

MDM: What do your fellow officers think of you making this tape?

OTS: Many of the officers who saw the video had a positive reaction. In fact, I was assisted by other departments and officers in my research for the video, and some contributed to the writing of the content for the video. Most could see the benefit in it as an educational tool. However, we are not without critics in the law enforcement community. Though most who criticize the video have never seen it.

MDM: Did you expect to get such a negative response from the mainstream media and MADD?

OTS: Most definitely. I expected a general knee-jerk reaction, especially from MADD. MADD is opposed to any multimedia that doesn’t promote prohibition or abstinence. They often fail to look at the core root of the problem, which is often inadequate or poor information to casual drinkers. They consistently fail to develop programs which could better educate law enforcement. These two things could positively and effectively work to improve the situation, but MADD would rather just point the “just say no” finger.

MDM: What’s MADD so mad about?

OTS: Well, if I was given a $50,000,000 annual budget to be mad with, I’d be mad all the time too. Wouldn’t you?

MDM: The way it looks to me, I don’t think MADD will stop until they attain total and complete prohibition.

OTS: MADD is an animal, a machine that has went past the point of no return. It’s a monster that has to keep eating. If it doesn’t it’ll die. Candy Lightner (the deposed founder of MADD) said it best. She said MADD is a neoprohibitionist movement that has lost its focus. That should be put on every billboard in the country.

MDM: MADD is slowly editing Lightner out of the history of the organization.

OTS: They kicked her out because she wasn’t for dropping the BAC to .08. She felt it wasn’t warranted. By then there were so many people involved, they saw that if they didn’t push for .08 they were going to lose money and their foothold. The have to keep lowering laws, they have to keep kicking the average citizen’s ass to stay on Capitol Hill. The have to tighten that noose every year to make it look like they’re new and improved. When people start waking up and see what MADD’s all about, once their hidden agendas are exposed, MADD is going to lose face value with the average citizen.

MDM: I recently read that MADD skims about $2,000,000 a year from the fees DUI offenders pay to attend mandatory Victim Impact Panels. It’s no wonder why they want to keep dropping the BAC. It’s good for business.

OTS: Oh yeah. The DUI machine is a multi-billion dollar operation, when you look at all facets of it.

MDM: It has always amazed me how willing MADD is to twist statistics. The definition of what an “alcohol-related accident” is, for example.

OTS: You and I could be driving down the road completely sober and have a friend in the back seat who’s inebriated, and if we crashed and killed everybody, they’d put that down as alcohol-related fatalities. If a young male gets in a crash between midnight and 4am, whether there’s alcohol involved or not, it’s plugged in by NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) as alcohol-related. They want these statistics to stay inflated because NHTSA has to have their grant money. They’re all in bed together.

MDM: Has being MADD’s villain of the month helped you sell tapes?

OTS: I don’t think so. I think most people who buy the video are simply smart enough to take the time to know their rights and to learn more about the subject of DUI. Every casual drinker should take the time to learn about what they are up against every time they decide to drink and drive, so that they might be better prepared and more aware of themselves and how they fit into the DUI question.

MDM: Do you think it’s fair making a police officer civilly liable if he lets a DUI suspect go?

OTS: No. I believe a law enforcement officer is an asset to the community, because it takes special people to take on the job of protecting the public. It’s a dangerous job. I further feel that federal, state, and local government should do everything they can do to educate, train and protect the officer, so they can make the best decisions. Which means the government should always be the shield of those assets, and should protect them from any such liability. Unfortunately, officers are usually limited by the education and training provided to them. With limited training these officers are asked to make life-altering decisions. The best defense law enforcement has is education.

MDM: How long can you milk the “mouth alcohol level” thing? Can I burp, cough or vomit every 15 minutes for a few hours and thus delay the test until my BAC drops? (According to Tim’s Video a police officer must observe a DUI suspect for a total of 20 minutes before administering a Breathalyser to ensure that he did not “burp, cough or vomit.” This is so the Breathalyser will read the Blood Alcohol Content and not the “mouth alcohol level.”)

OTS: Well, yes, you will lower your BAC over time, but the officer is aware of this. Eventually he’ll opt for another test, such as the blood test.

MDM: Urban legend time—say you get pulled over and the first thing you do is pull your keys from the ignition and start chugging from a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of the officer. Is that a way to beat a DUI charge? Because how can he prove you weren’t totally sober before you started chugging?

OTS: If that’s your plan, then please, make sure you document the whole thing with a camcorder. Not only do I want to see what happens, but I’m sure you’re going to need it in court. Of course, I’d be happy to place a copy of that video on my website.

MDM: What drove you to make this video?

OTS: People asked me. Friends and people who I arrested for DUI. They wanted to know what exactly to do when they’re pulled over or arrested for DUI. I realized the general public had no idea about the subject and needed to know. A police officer who was angry about the video told me this: “One of the biggest tools that we have against the people is they don’t know their rights.” They’re preying on people that don’t know what’s going on.

MDM: And that’s where your video comes in.

OTS: Exactly. I understand that, despite any legislation, people are going to drink and drive. The best way to change things is through education. Most people only knew it was wrong. Of course, knowing it was wrong never stopped them from drinking and driving. They always assumed it wouldn’t happen to them, that DUI was something that happened to someone else.

MDM: What’s next for Tim Stone?

OTS: For those who didn’t buy the first video, we’re putting together a video about what to do after you’ve received a DUI.

—Interview by Tivoni Devor

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THE UNIVERSE: in 200 words

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?